"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving." Lao Tzu

Curious things happen to some women when they turn 40. It is not simple to articulate what this "something" is. I'll leave the whys to trained professionals who have expertise in the field of why. What I can tell you, from observation and experience, is it happens. This shift can be subtle or dramatic. In whatever manifestation, the shift seems to relate to authenticity and confidence. From my own experience, and without trying to get to "Oprahish," my inner voice changed.

What had been pushing me forward previously was a desire to prove something outside of myself. Where once I heard another's voice, now I could only hear my voice. She was confident and adamant. "It's time to get serious; create the life you want!" Really, it sounded just like a Nike ad. There was an unwillingness to sacrifice satisfaction and an acknowledgment that time mattered. I'll save the decision to attend law school and the application process for a later column. Suffice it to say, I was 100% confident in my choice of law school. I had spent hours trying to prepare myself for the 1L experience. Given my strong confident voice, I didn't think anything could shake my core. However, there was one thing I hadn't thought out. Making friends.

Friends are a vital part of the law school experience. You are more like comrades, sisters and brothers united in battle. Too dramatic? I think not. Unless you are in the trenches, it is hard for family and non-law school friends to appreciate the insanity that is 1L year. Ok, 2L year as well. Of course, I didn't fully understand this myself before I started. I've always made friends easily, so this wasn't even on my long list of things to worry about. Once I arrived at orientation, that quickly changed.

The first activity I had to do in law school was tell a room of 60 of my soon-to-be peers where I went to undergrad, the year I graduated, and my favorite movie. I guess in all the chaos and logistics of getting to law school I never considered my age in relation to my daily law school experience. Age had played a significant role in my decision to pursue a JD. I was leaving (yes voluntarily) a lucrative career, leaving my family behind for months at a time, and relocating to attend law school. So, although my law school offers a part-time evening track I was attending full-time. My mistake was I simply hadn't bothered to consider how age might play out in making friends and acclimating.

As my fellow students began to list off their information, my head was swimming. Quick, what's my favorite movie? I can't name any of the John Hughes movies, that would certainly date me! One of my favorites is Breakfast at Tiffany's. Will that just seem like a quirky classic? Someone else said Breakfast at Tiffany's. Whew, that's safe.

Then I noticed most of the people were mentioning they graduated that past May. WHAT? Where were the people who made up the median age of 28 statistic? Part-time evening students? Deep Breath! When a woman across the room mentioned she graduated in 1999, an audible but quite murmur went up from the room. My graduation year was several years earlier. You do the math, I'm going to be a lawyer! It was clear that I couldn't divulge when I graduated from college. Where was that strong inner voice now? Instead I felt like I was slipping into a rabbit hole.

Another woman said she had graduated in May, and that her favorite movie "since the age of 12 was Moulin Rouge." The thought that INSTANTLY popped into my head was "who lets their 12-year-old watch Moulin Rouge?" That was when I realized I was in BIG trouble. If I was going to survive here, I'd have to tamp that mom gene WAY down. I mean I could BE her mom! When it came my turn, I used humor to deflect and didn't give my year. That's the moment I chose to "closet" my age.

This disastrous attempt lasted only one semester. Ultimately, my new inner voice and new friends called me an idiot, and pulled me out of the rabbit hole. I began to own my experience and age like the badge of honor it is. In an ironic twist, the woman whose favorite movie is Moulin Rouge has become one of my best friends. No really, of course that happened. Mulan has great common sense, is brilliant, and often more mature than I am.

Law School is a grueling exercise for all of us on the way to the "real stuff." It doesn't matter how "well-travelled" you are, surviving law school requires jumping through the hoops with people who support and understand you. The women and men who now form my circle of law school buddies are some of the smartest, dynamic, and compassionate people I've met in my 40+ years. I'm grateful to call each of them my friend!

During that one semester in the age "closet" there were plenty of humorous stories I'll share over the next twelve months. There continues to be numerous unusual observations or experiences related to age. Mulan and the rest of the gang will show up repeatedly. Stay tuned for some fun! Please feel free to add any of your personal experiences or observations to the conversation.

February's column is going to address that bi-annual torture, on-campus recruiting!