Kalokagathia wrote earlier this week in Introductions Matter about potential problems arising from simple introductions, and it reminded me of a discussion we had Monday in my Professional Responsibility class (of all places) about male-female relationships in the workplace. It wasn't just romantic relationships (although that was part of it), but also mentor-mentee and co-worker relations that were discussed. And it appears that there is a lot of tension going on these days between the sexes.

I think that women are frequently given conflicting advice: on the one hand, we're told that to make it in the law, you need mentors (usual older or senior to you) who will help your assent and be your "juice"—spread your praises, give you insider advice, drop you some business, etc. On the other hand, we hear stories of situations we wouldn't want to be in, everything from being misperceived as a secretary (as was the situation in Carolyn Elefant's original post), to outright inappropriate treatment. This makes it seem as though we have to seek out situations as younger lawyers that will often turn out badly for us as women.

I think that all of these instances are worth learning from (and for some, hopefully avoiding), but I wonder if there's a way to approach these potential relationships so they don’t seem so fraught. Part of this stems from my perception that (1) many senior lawyers in the legal profession—in fact, the majority—are male, (2) they are probably older than me, and (3) I still want to succeed at my job. Ergo: I need to make relationships with these older men work if I want to have a rewarding career and not waste the obscene amount of money I’m spending obtaining my J.D.

But these stories from women who have gone before me are all around, so I do have concerns. Will these men think I’m just a young lawyer trying to learn the ropes, or will they think I’m putting myself out there to attract something else? Or might it be more a generational thing: I can’t understand life without the internet, and they don’t know what it means when I tell them one of my hobbies is blogging? Or even a stereotypical gender thing: their tried-and-true icebreakers all relate to sports, and I don’t know what team LeBron plays for or how the Mets are doing this season?

In my pre-law school life, these sorts of concerns never really occurred to me, and now that I spend a lot of time thinking (strategizing?) about them, I wonder if perhaps innocence—and ignorance—wasn’t bliss: I had no trouble approaching (older, male) lawyers and asking for their advice or their help, and blithely ignored any static that might stop me in my tracks right now. I’m hoping that once I re-enter the workforce, I still have that confidence, and that these would-be mentors are ready to be just that: true mentors.