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I completely agree. The only reason I can think of as to why people are willing to take out such massive loans is because they do not have any concept as to what they will have to pay back on a monthly basis and how that will figure into their living expenses and take home salary. Someone I know has about $300,000 in undergrad and law school debt and said it will work out to over $1,600 a month in repayment amounts. Add NYC rent to that and there is no way to survive unless you are working at a large law firm making a large salary.
I also recommend to anyone considering law school to not quit their full time job to go back to school full time. Go back part time at night. That way you will always have some form of income and health insurance, and still will have a job if you can't find a legal one after law school.
Also, if after your first semester you do not get good grades, I do not recommend continuing with law school. It is hard enough to get a job with top grades and will be nearly impossible with bad grades. Save yourself the time and the money.
I personally could not afford to work for free during the summers so I worked a non-legal job during the summer and interned during the school year when I could work for free or for school credit. The fact that I interned during the school year rather than during the summer did not seem to make a difference to employers. All that mattered is that I had interned. Also, getting an internship is a lot less competitive during the school year.
I actually think that's a huge part of the whole issue. When people don't have time for an outside social life, they naturally look where they spend all of their time -- the office. The problems arise because of all of these inherent power imbalances, which make even "consensual" relationships rather ambiguous.
I don't think it is fair to say that law is a sexist profession or that all law firms are sexist because one guy happened to hit on you. If you are an attractive woman (or man), people are going to hit on you, regardless of whether you are an attorney or are an engineer, doctor, secretary, accountant, etc. Was what he did appropriate? Probably not. But that does not mean that every male attorney is like that or that all law firms are full of these types of characters.
As for how to handle it, you should have just told him that he was being inappropriate and walked away from him. You should never give someone your contact information if you feel that they are harassing you or being inappropriate. Nor should you go out to lunch with the person. It sends the wrong message and only escalates things further. If you feel that someone is sexually harrassing you, then you need to take steps to stop that person and if the person still doesn't stop, then you should report it to someone you feel comfortable talking to, like a female supervisor.
Anyway, I am sorry you had some bad experiences, but not every job, legal or otherwise, is like that.
Good gracious, I hadn't realized anyone had posted here! Yes, I do consider it a pretty important topic, especially since the majority of verbal feedback I have gotten is that people were not aware of these issues as substantive legal issues. I suppose a lot of people had a mental image of a group of PETA enthusiasts going around throwing blood on people's fur coats, and that was about it.
I think it is maybe less about entitlement and arrogance and more about the shear lack of social lives that many firm lawyers have.
I work in an AMLAW50 law firm and haven't experienced anything of the sort. We do no service to women lawyers and future lawyers if we cast the entire profession as sexist.
Some advice:
1 -- find a place where the people are decent and the support of women is central to the office's priorities. Law firms have "cultures," as strange as that sounds. Not every law firm is the same and you need to find a firm that doesn't breed this sort of behavior.
2 -- consider getting out of NYC, Chicago, SF and LA. You can work in a smaller market, make the same amount of money, enjoy a lower cost of living and escape some of the caged animal behavior that plagues big city law offices. Also, consider moving West. Lawyers on the East coast work much later at night, as a general rule, and people have a tendancy to think that the standards of professional conduct are relaxed after the sun goes down.
3 -- evaluate the signals that you are intentionally or unintentionally sending. I don't want to get into the "how to dress" discussion but consider things like your physical appearance, your attire, your body language, your giggle, the volume of perfume you wear etc. Be/project the type of woman that men would never make unwanted advances to.
4 -- never blur the lines between personal and professional. Don't date your co-workers. ever.
Sarah, I have enjoyed reading your posts and would miss them on the blog so I am glad that you have decided to stay. I recently tuned in for an ABA Women Rainmakers Committee conference call where Ellen Ostrow was talking about the role of unconcious bias in creating the glass ceiling. She walked us through an exercise where she asked us to picture a person in each of a number of jobs. The exercise is one that is prominent in psychology and sure enough, worked well on the call. As was true on the call, most often, when asked to picture the person in a particular job, you picture a man except for positions like "nurse" or "secretary" which often cause us to think of a woman. The point is, like you said, these predispositions are often societal and unless we pay attention to them in our own minds, we will have a harder time recognizing them in others!
Also, a meeting with a judge shouldn't just be a "partners" event! I wonder how to get more associates (apparently a.k.a. women) at the next event? That's another good conversation to be having!
When I read about Kamila Sidiqi, I felt she could also be a great motivational speaker, because of her experiences of running a successful business while being suppressed by the Taliban and her advocacy for women's rights. Both her and Gayle are great role models for women who are trying to find a foothold in this male dominated world.
I love reading stories that has got to do with the history of women in law. They are always inspiring, and talk about the challenges that various women have to face as they overcome prejudices when being a lawyer in a male dominated trade. It constantly reminds me of the hurdles that I have to face on my way to becoming a good lawyer.
Mariov
Being a lawyer in a small town probably has its pros and cons. Like you said, everyone knows you. Depending on their view of lawyers, they can either respect and ask for your advice, or loathe you for the work you do. Just concentrate on being a good mom and friend.
Mariov
Michelle Obama also has all my respect. Being a woman too, she surprises me how she can achieve so much and still stay so humble, and supportive of her husband while juggling career and two kids. It almost seems too good to be true for her. Perhaps being a lawyer has taught her something about stress management.
Mariov
When I wrote this, I hadn't yet gotten a copy of Kate's book, Terminal Ambition. Now that I have, I strongly suggest you read it! If you haven't ever worked in a law firm, you'll probably find it really far-fetched, but - I have to say - I recognized pretty much every character. It's crazy how common this stuff is...
Unfortunately, Alison has nailed it! Sexual harassment is all too common in law firms.
I have a few suggestions if it happens to you. In this blog, I weigh the pros and cons of reporting the situation to HR. http://womensrightswriter.com/blog/women-battle-law-firm-bias-by-author-kate-mcguinness/
Here's another blog listing 12 action steps you can take. http://womensrightswriter.com/blog/women-wins-historic-167-million-sexual-harassment-award-by-author-kate-mcguinness/
Even if you're not sure you want to complain, make contemporaneus notes about each incident. Send a copy of the notes to your pesonal email account. If anyone else witnesses the harassment, ask him or her to write it up, too.
Here's an additional step tailored to law firms. Send the notes along with a cover memo demanding the harasser cease and desist to the harasser. The memo should also inform him that the consequence of his continuing harassment will be your reporting it to HR and the partner in charge of employee relations at the firm.
While male lawyers can be pigs, they're not stupid. That should be enough to cool his jets without your incurring the collateral damage of being known as a "rat" inside the firm.
Like Allison, I've worked in other settings and never seen the blatant harassment that goes on in law firms. I suspect it comes out of a sense of entitlement (they're so brilliant) and arrogance (because they're so brilliant they can defeat any claim you might assert.)
It's a sad fact of life women law students and lawyers must deal with.
If you're interested in open "warfare" over sexual harassment and discrimination at Big Law, check out my legal thriller Terminal Ambition. A female partner wants justice for the women in her firm. The chairman wants to become Attorney General. Only one of them can win.
Thanks for this post. You have great timing, I've been in a bit of a funk too! I tend to think it stems from a somtimes more than healthy dose of perfectionism. Marry perfectionism with a busy life in law and suddenly you're spending a lot of time beating yourself up for all of the things that you're not doing perfectly.
It's the memo that I really need to get started on that I just keep pushing aside for other more pressing work, the feeling that I should be doing more to help the team on this case but not knowing where to find the hours to help, the sense that my extremely understanding family is getting the short end of the stick, the fact that I still have to plan that activity for a friend's bachelorette and that it's just not going to be as special as I wanted it to be. For me, it's those things (and the voice in the back of my head telling me that I should be better) that can put me into a funk.
When that happens, like you, I try to get some perspective on the fact that my life is pretty darn good. I try to remember that I am blessed to have these problems: a good job to worry about, a loving and understanding family, friends who I care deeply about and who care about me too. I also try to ignore the voice in the back of my head or at least remind myself that if I stopped wasting energy on my lack of perfection, I could spend that time on the other things that matter in my life.
So here's to reminding ourselves about all the good and ending the funk! :)
I would hire someone with those skill sets! While I am working in a law job now as a bankruptcy attorney, I have thought about whether working in a non-law job, like perhaps as a teacher might not be a better calling for me. I have always wondered what an interview for a non-law job would be like, and you pretty reaffirmed what I thought- that I would be questioned for not wanting to work in the legal field !
I'm not ready to leave the legal field yet, but I have 2 small kids at home and I would like to at least think that I have other options in life!
For me, like probably many people, it's simply trying to do too much! Although I no longer have the outside pressure of partners calling all the time telling me to do more work (hooray!), there's still a desire to do things, just because they're going to be awesome.
But, at times, it all gets to be a bit much, and I have to force myself to chill out and get more sleep. Somehow I doubt this is an isoloated problem...
But I do find extra sleep really helps! Hum, maybe I should do a post on that...
Alison
http://thegirlsguidetolawschool.com
It was already tough for her when she was wife of a senator, but now, being the wife of a president is a whole different story. The limelight cast on her is incomparable, and she has to look her best while managing the house, her husband, her kids, and her image. I wonder how she even excels in one so well. I am glad to make her my personal role model.
Mariov
Social media is powerful, but you also have to know who your audience is if you want to fully maximise your potential. Arguably, the biggest users of social media are the people in developed countries, between the ages of 18-35. If your law firm has a niche of dealing with older businessmen or older people in general, you might not find social media to be as useful as you might expect it to be.
Mariov
Hi Acuenca,
The scholarships were available but, unfortunately, the deadline has already passed. We encourage you to read about the winners here: http://ms-jd.org/congratulations-2012-winners-ms-jds-summer-... and look for their posts later this summer.
Sincerely,
Ms. JD
Will a public interest scholarship be available for 2012?
I have that same feeling towards button downs! So annoying. Between standing and sitting; they always seem to be moving and becoming untucked! I'm in MI, but hopefully I can get away with a blouse as well.
Also, nice advice on the pantyhose topic! I agree that for court it's probably better to be safe than sorry!
I like that her final advice is so simple, and yet can be one of the hardest things to find. If I had the chance, I would love to sit down and have coffee with her. She must have a tonne of advice that she can give, given her wealth of experience in multiple firms in different industries.
Mariov