Last week I linked to a lively discussion of crying in public. In a comment, CM asked how to prevent crying at inappropriate moments. Sintecho asked me the same thing a couple weeks back. So I've rounded up a bunch of bona fide face-savers plus a myth to debunk. From research and my all-too-personal experience, here are twelve ways to avoid tears at work.

· Focus on your breathing
· Take a step back
· Cauterize your tear ducts
· Distract yourself with pain
· Use props
· Let yourself get angry
· Try behavioral modification
· Do it for somebody else
· Forge ahead
· Just ignore it
· Deflect with a white lie
· Be honest and direct

Different situations call for different techniques. An explanation of when, how and why each technique works (or doesn't) follows after the jump...

1. Focus on your breathing.

Make yourself take ten breaths. Count them out, slow and deep. The extra oxygen will give you a bit of a high, soothing you. The activity also changes your focus. It's what gets women through childbirth, right? (Lamaze by another name.) Conscious breathing is a meditation technique. The idea is to pay close attention to both in-breath and out-breath. Before a stressful meeting, I somtimes pause outside an office door to compose myself and breath deeply. It works wonders.

If you want more guidance, you might take a look at The Miracle of Mindfulness. It's a really short read; the main text is about 60 pages and can be read in an hour or two. The book, by a Vietnamese monk, is a basic, secular introduction to tenets of Zen Buddhism. Breathing is big in Buddhism.

2. Take a step back.

If you have the opportunity to put some distance between yourself and a stressor, do it. Wait for your emotions to cool down. An expert advises,

Schedule emotional meetings once the dust has cleared. If you’re furious over a coworker being given your project, or you’ve been judged unfairly on a big job, or one of your big ideas is attacked viciously in a companywide meeting, your best response is simply not to respond. Wait until you can think through what you want to say rather than banging into your boss’ office as soon as the event has happened. [Source.]

Humans can't sustain their most intense emotions more than about 60 minutes (and usually not even that long). No matter how sad or angry you feel, you're going to feel it less a few minutes later. Maybe you've heard the advice, "Never send an email when you're angry." Same principle! If you can just hold on to the idea to pull back, you can manage some workplace interactions in a way that will lessen the likelihood of tears. There are lots of situations where this trick won't work--because you can't walk away mid-conversation--but use it when you can. It's one more tool in your arsenal.

3. Cauterize your tear ducts.

Okay, this one is a myth. I think CM was kidding when she asked me if this would work, but I was curious, so I looked it up. Cauterizing tear ducts with lasers, or even plugging them temporarily, is actually a treatment for dry eyes. One of the possible effects of cauterization is "an overflow of tears." Cauterization will make you more watery-eyed, not less. No dice, CM! [Sources: Wikipedia; U. Illinois Opthalmology.]

4. Distract yourself with pain.

Some people suggest biting the inside of your cheek, but that just doesn't do it for me. Not that I'm recommending S&M or anything! But I need something stronger: really digging my fingernail into my the side of my thumb, or the palm of my hand. If you're wearing trousers or an overcoat, you could also stick something in your pocket. I have a friend who keeps a bent paperclip on hand to poke herself discreetly. (I hope she's had her tetanus shot!) Do whatever you can safely do to shift the focus of your attention--hopefully enough to avoid shedding tears.

If you have a chance to duck into a restroom before a difficult meeting, another trick is to run your wrist under really cold water. Or you could hold an ice cube to your wrist. The key is to create a sensation intense enough to distract from the emotional distress.

This is Part 1 of a three-part series. For tips #5-12, read Part 2 and Part 3.