Ask Miranda Pennoyer: of Fashion Felonies & the Cheerful Jedi

It’s time once again for “Ask Miranda Pennoyer,” the column that has strives for equal justice under law, as long as it’s in our favor. This column has the distinction of being described by ABC Members with Bags Over Their Heads as “a collection of vowels and consonants, usually.”

Our first question is one that’s on the mind of many 1Ls—or at least it would be, if they would ever stop using Facebook in class.

Q. The law seems very concerned with mens rea. Why does nobody ever mention womens rea?

A. Roughly translated, “mens rea” is Latin for men’s wear. It refers to the attire, otherwise known as a “law suit,” that attorneys must wear when they appear in court. Because women wear law suits too, their clothing is subsumed under the category of mens rea.

Q. What about actus reus?

A. This is Latin for active wear. These are the clothes lawyers wear when they are golfing with clients, right down to their legal briefs. Once again, this term rarely applies to women.

Q. Why? It seems gender-neutral.

A. Yes, but women have enough taste to realize that they look like idiots in actus reus, so they don’t wear it. If a women does wear actus reus, her paralegal will set fire to her polyester pants. This is what’s called an “attendant circumstance.”

Q. But isn’t that sexist too?

A. No. Men and women have an equal right to commit fashion felonies.

Small Firm Life: Office Humor

When I first started at my firm as a Summer Associate I was advised by one of the Senior Attorneys that the Managing Partner was concerned about hiring me because I was “too quiet”. I confronted him about this comment and he told me that did not feel that he could joke around with me. Being from the Northeast, I know am more reserved than many of my Miami counterparts, however, I was shocked when I realized that what I considered to be my professional demeanor was affecting my career.

In contrast, some of the Associates in my office have a very friendly joking relationship with the Managing Partner. The Managing Partner feels comfortable making fun of their weight, ex-boyfriends, children and sometimes even religion. In fact, the Managing Partner feels so comfortable that he will often make these jokes around clients, paralegals and attorneys from our other offices. As a result of this joking atmosphere the Associates sometimes retort with comments/jokes that the Managing Partner does not appreciate. When this occurs, the Associate will later get scolded that she is “too comfortable” or “unprofessional”. Naturally, the Managing Partner couches this criticism with an explanation that this is partially his fault because he needs to be more professional and that he sometimes forgets that he is the boss because thinks of us as his friends and family.

In fear of not getting an offer at the end of the summer, I tried to develop a more joking relationship with my boss and I have succeeded to some degree. However, since I witness on a daily basis the drawbacks associated with developing too comfortable of a relationship with the Managing Partner, I want to ensure that he continues to respect me as a professional.

Here are some tips for participating in office humor that I have picked up in the past few years:

Men feel very comfortable joking with each other and do not worry about making offensive comments but they are more cautious when making jokes towards women. You can establish your own boundaries by poking fun at yourself. This will let people know what they can feel comfortable teasing you about.

For example, I make fun of myself for reading all of the technology updates our IT Department sends us and now the Managing Partner makes fun of this as well.

Along the same lines, if your boss thinks it’s funny to make fun of you about something, and this topic does not offend you, let him know this by also making jokes about the topic.

For example, my boss thinks it’s funny to offer to buy me a hamburger since I am a vegetarian.  Although this joke has gotten old fast, he likes it, so I play along.

Make jokes about celebrities, athletes or difficult clients, it’s easy for people to bond over these topics and difficult to offend anyone.

Ask Miranda Pennoyer: of Iqbal & the Princess Bride

It’s time once again for “Ask Miranda Pennoyer,” the column that gives no legal advice, or none that any sane person would follow.  Rather, we strive to apply an ointment of knowledge to the burning questions of law students, young professionals, and people who think they are on Cash Cab. 

Our first question comes from a concerned student in Gainesville, FL:

Q. What is the difference between “ex ante” and “ex post”?

A. “Ex ante” is a Latin consumptive phrase used when lawyers talk, write, or play poker, such as “he lost $100 before the ex ante.” Whereas “ex post” is a perennial postulate used to describe someone who used to work for USPS.

Q. What about “whereas”?

A. This is an analgesic hyperbola used by Shakespeare to confuse high school students: “Romeo, Romeo, whereas art thou?” Feel free to “pepper” your language with words such as these in everyday legal settings.

WRONG: “Your client is a jerk, whereas you are an idiot.”

RIGHT:  “If you are trying to prove my client guilty, whereas the evidence?” At this point, the jury’s eyes should begin to water.

Q. And if they don’t?

A. You may have to use mace. 

Q. Can you explain the Supreme Court’s holding in Iqbal, written by Justice Kennedy?

A. No one can.

After the jump, find out what all this has the to with The Princess Bride and other vital facts ...

Men, Ms. JD, and the Inevitable One-liner

Why is it that every time I tell a man about Ms. JD the response is always something along the lines of: "Oh yea I've been thinking about starting a support group for mysoginists" or "Are you planning an upgrade to Mrs. JD"? Seriously, after a year with the organization I can count on one hand the number of times I've gotten a sincere, rather than dismissive, reaction. It's not just that the individual jokes themselves are not particularly clever that gets me. It's the consistency with which I get this response that perplexes me.

Bookmark This!

Yet again, the lovely Carolyn Elefant has brought to my attention a site formerly unknown to me: Mommy Track'd I am not a mommy so it may have been a while before I ever found this on my own, but for those of you who are moms or hope to be a mom someday - check the site out.