You Don't Always Get What You Want

As an older student, people always ask me:  "Why did you decide to go to law school?" I explain how my skills and abilities match those required by lawyers; and the profession will allow me to help others and make a difference.  That response is not untrue; just incomplete. 

I started law school to regain my confidence in my own merit as an individual.

Contrary to lip service, society does not value homemakers’ contributions. We admire money and tangible accomplishments.  After leaving a successful career for the opportunity to live abroad, I focused my energy on kids, husband, and home.  Ten years later, I craved acknowledgment for my abilities, and law school satisfied that need.

Recovering my self-respect proved more problematic. Never have I worked so hard to be rejected and unsuccessful.  This painful ‘reality check’ will further my personal growth, but will my diminished confidence impair my success as a lawyer? 

Are You Living Your Life Like You're Planning to Fail?

I think many of us introduce ourselves, our ideas, and our work with any number of disclaimers: "maybe this is a stupid question, but..."; "I don't know that much about this, but..."; "I'm probably wrong, but..." I think I couch my viewpoints as a way to avoid appearing confrontational or as a way to mitigate the perception of error - that is, if my substantive contribution is correct, then great, but if not, then at least I predicted that and got something right. I have come to understand that neither possible benefit outweighs the cost paid in how I am perceived as a result of making such equivocations.

Can you take a compliment?

I’ve noticed that I really can’t. Professionally, I seem to demean myself a lot by refusing to accept compliments and by trying to make other people feel more comfortable around me by pretending that I’m not really that good at anything. It's not that I don't think I'm good at anything, it's more that 1) don't want to be seen as a braggart or as someone with a huge ego and 2) my socialized impulse always seems to be brushing off compliments rather than accepting them. I notice that a lot of other women behave similarly, either reflecting a compliment back at the giver ("No, you did such a great job!") or by completely deflecting it ("It wasn't anything special.") or by countering the compliment with a self-effacing comment ("Well, you should see how awful I am at X.") I don't notice men doing any of the above when given a compliment.