As much as it pains me, I have to admit it.  I’m not prepared to write this month’s column.  I had great aspirations.  Women I was going to interview, questions I was going to ask, books and articles I was going to read.  It was going to be epic.

Then life happened.

I’m a first year associate.  We all know what that means:  long hours, lots of work, and the constant stress of not knowing what the heck you are doing and worrying that you are screwing everything up and committing malpractice at every turn. 

In addition to that, I coach (and am in charge of) a high school mock trial team.  And I co-chair a subcommittee for Oregon Women Lawyers and we put on an event in early February.  And I’m on the Oregon State Bar Pro Bono Committee.  And I’m sure I do other things that I’m forgetting....

AND THEN... I got notice that my husband and I have to move out of our rental.  So we are packing, moving into another rental, while we start looking to buy a house.  Moving twice in a matter of months!  SO FUN!  AND I’m also training for a half marathon with the amazing group Team in Training and raising money to cure blood cancers.  (Self-serving plug:  If you want to donate to my team... you can go here.)

So... I’m not as prepared as I should be.

Yes, I know.  I took on too much.  I do too much.  And I should cut back.  I’ve been told that my whole life. 

But here’s the thing.  If I’m not doing “too much” I feel like I’m not doing enough.  I feel as though I’m not putting my skills and compassion to good use.  And I don’t think I’m the only person who feels that way.  We are successful lawyers and successful in life because we care, because we put ourselves out there, and we do what we believe needs to be done. 

This is how a lot of us structure our life.  We are busy at work, busy at home, and busy at the spaces in between.  Ideally, our work should be flexible to fit our life, and our life should also be flexible to accommodate our work. 

I believe some people took my first column the wrong way. (The majority of these comments I received privately.  Come on, people!  Post your comments on the website.  That’s what the comment section is there for!  I’m putting my heart and soul out there; the least you can do is meet me half way!)  Most of the comments I got were great.  But some were not. Some people believed I was asking for firms to give up everything so I can have it all:  big firm salary, big firm power, without big firm hours.

That’s not what I meant to imply.  I think things need to change, but I firmly believe that both sides need to compromise.  I’ll still bill 1800 or more hours a year if there is day care in my office building.  I’ll agree to bill 1600 if you pay me less.  I’ll give a little if you--the structure and culture--give a little.  But what I’m not willing to do is to sit back and say, “Well, this is how it has always been and this is how it will always be.”  We’re better than that and we deserve better than that.

Just as I will always do too much, I will always ask for more equality.  (If you give a mouse a cookie... right?)  But if you meet me half way--or hell, at this point, even give just a little--you’ll get so much more out of me than you ever imagined.  And we’ll all be in a better place than we were when we began.

And next month, I’ll talk to those women, read all of the books and articles (okay... at least some of them...), and move this discussion forward.  In the meantime, dear reader, use the comments section and let your voice be heard too.  Whether you agree or disagree, I’m here to listen.