Best Friends at the Bar: The Law Insider Features BFAB on Sheryl Sandberg

 Check out my article on The Law Insider that came out today.  Lots to think about there for women lawyers who also are reading the Sheryl Sandberg book or the press surrounding it.

My article, Five Things Women Can Learn from Sheryl Sandberg, addresses Ms. Sandberg's message to women in traditional business but also distinguishes the value of that message for many women in the law.  I wish it was different---honestly, I do.  I wish that I could tell you that Sheryl Sandberg has all the answers for young women lawyers.  But, I cannot.  She has some very solid advice for women in business, but she also skips lightly over the realities that some women, even those in traditional business, do not have the resources to make it all work to get to the corner offices and flex their muscles---especially during the childbearing and childrearing years.  Without the nannies, the cooks, the housekeepers and the personal shoppers it all becomes very challenging.  While it is true that some husbands and mates are pitching in more at home these days, I do not think that is going to free up enough time for many women in business for the open field run that Sheryl Sandberg seems to respect singularly and advise above all else.  The approach narrows the definition of success and leaves out too many women for my taste.

Best Friends at the Bar: BFAB Weighs in on the Sheryl Sandberg "Lean In" Debate

By now, most professional women in America are aware of the controversy over the much-anticipated book by Sheryl Sandberg.  That book, Lean In, is scheduled to be released in mid March, and it already is being widely reviewed----even before some of the reviewers have read the book!

That is exactly what you can expect when Sheryl Sandberg is involved.  As a former executive at Google and the current COO and board member at Facebook, she is an extraordinary business woman, and her lectures to women in Silicon Valley, especially, about getting ahead in business are legendary.

Best Friends at the Bar: The Girly Girl Lawyers and Why They Matter

Yes, you heard me right.  I said "Girly Girl Lawyers."  Hold onto your seats and listen for awhile.  It will be worth your time.

Girly Girl Lawyers is what I call a significant group of young women lawyers - who I happen to love - in my second book, Best Friends at the Bar: The New Balance for Today's Woman Lawyer (Wolters Kluwer Law & Business, 2012).  Yes, me - the women's advocate who founded Best Friends at the Bar to help raise the retention rates for women lawyers and make improvements to the practice experiences for all women in our profession.  Me - the one who travels the country as a motivational speaker for young women lawyers to advise them on the challenges of law practice for women and to enhance their survival skills.  Me - the one who wants you to be very serious about your profession and your career goals.  Confusing, I know, and worthy of an explanation.

Best Friends at the Bar: More on the Ill-Fated Quest for Perfection

In last Thursday's blog I talked about the need for women lawyers to keep life in perspective and avoid the trap of being all things to all people---particularly to your perfectionist selves.  I shared information from Deborah Spar, the president of Barnard College and former Harvard Business School professor.  Here are a few additional thoughts on that subject.

Keeping it all in perspective is really all about choices---the choices that are right for you and your particular circumstances.  Women too often think that they don't have choices about things that have traditionally been "women's work."  They think that they have to have the perfect house, the perfectly groomed children, the perfectly balanced meals (protein, veggie, starch and greens), the perfect this and the perfect that.  I just does not work for the new balance I write about in my books, and the sooner you learn that the better.

Do not sacrifise good on the altar of perfection. When you look back on all the time wasted in pursuit of perfection, it will be a humbling experience and probably include a lot of regret.  Here is a poem that was published in the womaneer.com article that I talked about in my last blog:

Mom Law Student

I entered law school as the mom of a toddler. There were two suppositions that I had before I started. I am, like most entering 1L's, an over-achiever that is motivated by achievement (good grades, etc.). But because I am also a mom, I told myself that I didn't need to make top grades, obtain a 1L Big Law summer associate position, etc. Instead, I just needed to pass and graduate with a degree in hand. After all, I was balancing a family life and school. I knew that I was going to have to accept less than my best in order to make everything work.

The day before starting law school, my husband looked at me and said, "well, school will be easier than a full-time job; it will be easier to juggle everything". I agreed.

I was wrong on both fronts. First, I was able to succeed in my first semester at law school. Second, in order to do that, you must treat law school like a full-time job (a demanding one, at that).

Best Friends at the Bar: Women Lawyers Should Not Make Perfect the Enemy of Good

There was an interesting article on womaneer.com this week that talked about priorities.  It seems that the women of the UK, where womaneer is based, are looking to American women to help them to break away from their enslavement to perfection.  According to the article, the women in America are doing a better job of prioritizing the really important things in life, like family and relationships and career, over housework .

This is good to hear, if it is true. However, I see far too many young women professionals and, yes, lawyers, who are still clinging to perfection.  Many of them were raised by the perfect Baby Boomers, who had the perfect homes, the perfectly groomed children and the perfect meals on the table.  Well, this doesn't work for the professional women of today, who need to care less about something being out of place and occasional dust bunnies than about keeping relationships with mates and spouses going strong and meeting career goals.

Best Friends at the Bar: Best Friends at the Bar Sits Down with The Daily Muse

Recently I sat down with the Daily Muse to address some important issues about women lawyers.  That interview was published today and can be found at the link below.  I hope that you will share it often and widely to help advance women in the profession of law.

http://bit.ly/UnzheS

The subjects addressed in the interview include:

• The reasons for the low percentage of women partners in law firms and what law firms are doing about it;
• The most challenging issues for women lawyers and how to overcome those challenges;
• The best advice for women lawyers about advancing their careers; and
• The best advice to my younger self.

Help me spread the word that women lawyers have a great opportunity to make their marks in the profession and to do it strategically and without sacrificing all that they value in both their professional and personal lives.

From the Founder of A Girl's Guide to Law School: Find Your People, Know What You Want

Ms. JD was proud to host Alison Monahan, Columbia Law graduate and founder of The Girl's Guide to Law School, as a panelist in our Fifth Annual Conference on Women in the Law. In case you missed her at the conference, here is a little bit more about Alison:

Personal Law School Experiences

For me, law school was really weird in a lot of ways.  Coming from California to an ivy league, New York law school, the aggression was a shock. It took me a while to find my people.  When spending time with someone, ask yourself how you feel around that person.  Do you feel anxious or inadequate in their company?  Or do they support your goals and encourage you to meet them? 

Advice for Incoming 1Ls

Try to figure out what you want and how to make that happen.  It's a lot easier to maintain perspective and manage stress in law school when you remember why you're there.

Personal Branding Corner: How Will You Manage Your Stress in 2013?

In the personal branding world, identifying and managing our stress is critical.  As we define personal branding, if people are buying your uniqueness then stress is not a big selling point to your target market.  After all, what potential client is inspired by a stressed out service/product provider?  Not me.  We all want to buy from companies and hire people who seem in control and manage their stress well.

Looking at various definitions of the word, “stress” we often see reference to not just one aspect of stress, but to a variety of things such as, “mental”, “physical”, “social”, “pressure”, “real vs. perceived”, “capacity”,  and “breakdown”, to name a few.  What this all means is that stress is different for each one of us and affects various parts of our physical and mental state.

Click HERE to read the rest.

Two MSJDN members nominated for Military Spouse of the Year, voting to begin Jan. 22

Lori Volkman, MSJDN Communications Director and Deputy Prosecuting Attorney in Washington State, and Marcelina Chambers, MSJDN member and Assistant Attorney General in Arizona, have both been nominated for Military Spouse Magazine’s Military Spouse of the Year. Congratulations to both! The first round of voting lasts for only 24 hours on January 22, please vote for both candidates as they not currently directly competing with each other.

Lori is a Navy Reserve spouse, and is competing through Naval Base San Diego. Married to her pilot husband for over 20 years, Lori started a blog in 2010 to document her husband’s deployment — it quickly gained a loyal following. Her ability to see the humor while being honest about the difficulties resonated with military spouses across the country. But her pieces resounded with working moms and the larger civilian population as well. Her husband has since redeployed, but Lori continues to blog about their struggle with reintegration, as well as current events affecting spouses. Last March, she wrote “An Open Letter to Kari Bales,” a post that encapsulated the military spouse community’s support for the spouse of a soldier accused of killing 16 Afghans. Lori’s writing has been featured in the New York Times At War Blog, WordPress’ “Freshly Pressed,” and in Reader’s Digest. She has appeared in interviews in Newsweek’s Daily Beast, the Department of Defense “Family Matters” Blog, America Online’s Military community and has appeared on CNN, the NBC Nightly News, and the CBS Evening News. She is currently working on a book of her deployment stories. I’m not sure she sleeps.