Forget the Linen Closet: When mother and father reverse their traditional gender roles

Role reversals confuse people.

My husband is a "stay-at-home dad" to our three sons; I head to work each day to advance my legal career and support our family. We decided to raise our children without daycare long before we had any, and we stuck by that decision, for better and for worse. Although it may have been financially easier to have both of us working, we have managed to scrape by on one income since the beginning.

Many people on the outside have a difficult time understanding why we made this decision -- even our own families have questioned it. The important thing is that we made the decision on purpose, we value what we are doing, and we are not afraid to talk about it with other people or reassess our situation to make sure it is still working for us.

I could write paragraph after paragraph of the discourteous things people have said to us because we are not fulfilling their expectations. However, my husband and I are completely satisfied with the decisions we have made and will not change them to fit someone else's idea of what the world should look like. 

Instead, we take different approaches toward educating people, since the general population probably does not realize how gender-biased they actually are. They probably don't realize they are incorrect when they assume it is the man that is working, the woman who is staying at home with these three squirmy boys, and it is the man who makes all the decisions without the woman's input.

Networking Events

We have attended various lawyer networking events together. Sometimes we take steps to make it obvious that I am the lawyer in the family. For example, my husband will purposely where casual slacks (or nice jeans) and a polo shirt, while I will dress in a formal, black lawyer suit.

Ms. JD Weekly Roundup: Week Ending March 12, 2010

Saudia Arabian Women Gain the Right to Practice Law & Form Their Own Law Firms

Female Partners: What the Law Firms Are Hiding (Subscription Required)

VA AG Recommends Law Schools Eliminate Gender Identity & Sexual Orientation Protections from Anti-Discrimination Policies

Women in Management: Delusions of Progress

Why Are There So Few Black Women Politicians?

Kathleen Sullivan Made a Named Partner Quinn Emanuel

Congratulations to Kathryn Bigelow, The First Woman to Win the Academy Award for Best Director. Movie Mom Celebrates with a Collection of Women Directors

The Prosecution Rests: Jackie Lacey

It is not easy being third in command of one of the largest district attorney offices in the country, but to those who know her, Jacquelyn Lacey makes it seem effortless.  Jackie has been a prosecutor for nearly 24 years in the Los Angeles County District Attorney’s Office, an office of about 1,056 deputy district attorneys most notably known for the prosecutions of O.J. Simpson, Michael Jackson, and - ironically - the doctor accused of causing Michael Jackson’s death.  As Assistant District Attorney of Line Operations, Jackie oversees the Bureau of Central Operations and the Bureaus of Branch and Area Operations Regions I and II.  These bureaus contain about 500 prosecutors who handle the majority of cases for the LADA.  Jackie has nine years of executive management experience, and is a member of District Attorney Steve Cooley’s executive staff.  As a deputy district attorney, Jackie tried over 60 felony jury trials, including eleven murder trials.  She sought and received a death verdict in People v. Richard Browne, a case in which the defendant Richard Browne was convicted of a string of violent crimes, including the callous murders of a gas station employee and a liquor store owner, and was sentenced to death, and she obtained the first “hate-crime” murder conviction in Los Angeles County.

I had a chance to interview Jackie Sunday afternoon sitting across the table in her kitchen banging away on my laptop and hoping the tape recorder captured everything she said because it was very informative.  I hope you enjoy the interview.  May the prosecution call its witness!

What is your educational and legal background?

I went to Dorsey High School in Los Angeles, so I am a Los Angeles native.  I went to undergraduate at U.C. Irvine and majored in psychology, and I earned my J.D. from USC law school.  I decided to apply to law school in my junior year when I took a class called the Introduction to the Study of Law.  The class had guest speakers and one of the speakers was a young African-American lawyer named Irma Brown, who is now a judge.  Listening to her speak about how exciting it was being in a courtroom was a major reason why I decided to apply to law school.

What was it about the excitement that made you think about becoming a lawyer?

Irma expressed such enthusiasm in the way she talked about her courtroom victories.  It is hard for me to explain, but looking at her, at how young she was, maybe five or six years older than me, I thought if she could be successful at being a lawyer, then so could I.  I listened to her talk about the thrill and excitement of being in the courtroom, and actually sat in a courtroom in Santa Ana and observed cases as part of the course.  I remember thinking I felt very comfortable in a courtroom, very at home there, and was interested in everything that went on. It was almost like watching a theater, if you will.  Each person who addressed the judge changed the atmosphere in the courtroom.  And I thought, this is something I can be good at.

What led you to want to become a prosecutor?

I would love to say it was some big calling, but I ended up in the DA’s office really just following a friend.

From the Desk of the Working Mom -- Happy Toes

I have recently come to the realization—somewhat to my relief—that so-called “life balance” is impossible to achieve. In fact, striving for this mythical state of well-being was quite stressing me out. There are entire websites devoted to “work-life balance” or finding your “inner balance”. Each of these sites advocates finding ways to reduce your workload, to relax, and to enjoy life more. It sounds lovely in concept, like sitting under a cabana on an exotic beach somewhere, the gentle sea breeze cooling your face, while the attractive waiter who can actually pull off a pair of short shorts brings you a pina colada with a little umbrella in it.

Instead of a cool ocean breeze, however, all I was feeling was like quite the failure—promising myself each week that I would try to come home earlier, sleep more, and eat healthier—but never quite making it stick. Its not that I was a total failure—I did come home early last week when the school called and told me my daughter was sick and needed picked up. And I managed to sleep through an entire night without interruption. Unfortunately, it was in my two-year old’s bed and I walked slightly bent over the entire next day. And I did clean up my desk into organized piles, but in the process created a two and one half page list of “to dos” for each of my clients. I then left work so stressed out that I came in on Sunday just to eliminate that sense of foreboding in the pit of my stomach that I was somehow about to commit serious malpractice.

Ms. JD & Columbia Law Women present: Jay Sullivan's "Communication Skills All Young Associates and Students Should Learn

Sullivan will lead an interactive workshop that focuses on crucial communication skills for summer and young associates. Following this valuable skills building session, students and Ms. JD-affiliated firm associates will mingle and network over drinks at a local watering hole, thanks to the generous support of Sullivan & Cromwell.

I mention this because it's a great example of how student groups can leverage their membership in NWLSO. Columbia Law Women are organizing this event, using Ms. JD contacts to recruit speakers and local firm attorneys and creating an opportunity to learn and network. Awesome job ladies!

• When: Tuesday March 23, 6-7:30 pm 
• Where: Columbia Law School, Jerome Greene Hall, Rm 101
• What: "Communication Skills All Young Associates and Students Should Learn" presentation by Jay Sullivan, Exec/Comm

If you are a Columbia student or Ms. JD affiliated attorney and you'd like to attend this event please email davis@ms-jd.org asap. To start planning your own event email kornberg@ms-jd.org.

WILL Registration Winding Down

The Women in Law Leadership Academy is still accepting registrations, but not for long. Early bird registration ends March 26th. The program is targeted for women 4 - 10 years out of school. I'm class of 2007, but I'm still going to try and go. Here's why:

• Carolyn Lamm, ABA President and Partner, White & Case LLP
• Michele Coleman Mayes, Senior Vice President and General Counsel, Allstate Insurance Company
• Lynn Laverty Elsenhans, Chairman & Chief Executive Officer, Sunoco, Inc.
• Mary E. Snapp, Corporate Vice President and Deputy General Counsel, Microsoft Corporation and Chair-Elect, Minority Corporate Counsel Association
• Hilarie Bass, Global Operating Shareholder, Greenberg Traurig, LLP
• Pamela A. Bresnahan, Partner, Vorys, Sater, Seymour and Pease LLP
• Gail A. Lione, Executive Vice President, General Counsel and Secretary, Harley-Davidson, Inc.
• Mary B. Cranston, Firm Senior Partner, Pillsbury Winthrop Shaw Pittman, LLP
• Julie M. Howard, President & COO, Navigant Consulting, Inc.
• JoAnne A. Epps, Dean, Temple University James E. Beasley School of Law
• Marcia Devins Greenberger, Founder and Co-President, National Women’s Law Center
• Mary L. Smith, Senior Counsel, Civil Division, U.S. Department of Justice
• Sara Lipscomb, General Counsel, U.S. Small Business Administration
• Judge Judith S. Kaye, Of Counsel, Skadden, Arps and Former Chief Judge of the New York Court of Appeals
• Judge Barbara M. G. Lynn, United States District Judge for the Northern District of Texas
• Judge M. Margaret McKeown, United States Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit
• Judge Norma L. Shapiro, United States District Judge for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania
• Carrie J. Hightman, Executive Vice President and Chief Legal Officer, NiSource Inc.
• Thomas L. Sager, Senior Vice President and General Counsel, DuPont
• Kellye L. Walker, SVP, General Counsel and Secretary, American Water
• Catherine Lamboley, Retired Senior Vice President and General Counsel, Shell Oil Company
• Carol Ann Petren, Executive Vice President, General Counsel, CIGNA Corporation

Yup, they're all going to be there. 

Confessions of a Non-Networker: Layoffs

My post this month does not cover the topic I planned to write about. You may remember that one of my proposed networking goals last month was to return to my law school for a two-day event. I did that in mid-February, and really enjoyed catching up with my friends who practice near the law school. It was interesting to talk about our practices and realize that "big city" law firms have many of the same issues for associates as firms in smaller cities – finding mentors, how to stay active when work is slow, developing client relationships, etc.

However, while I was away visiting something happened at my firm that caused me to think about networking in a quite different light. Actually, when these events unfolded I was not thinking about "networking" at all.

February's (Unplanned) Networking Resolution: Learn How to Respond to Layoffs.

This month, a group of paralegals were fired from our office.

That may not sound like an astounding event in today’s economy, but it astounded me. Our office did not lay off any attorneys or groups of staff in 2008, and things are busier now than they were in 2008. So the layoffs came out of the blue. My secretary came into my office when I returned from my trip to tell me about it. She did not know any details, only that all of the after hours paralegal staff had been laid off the evening I left for my trip.

This group of people- six in all - worked on proofreading, cite-checking, and any other night time needs to support the firm. Each of these staff persons had been with the firm for literally decades. Many times I had talked about their work and the magical way things appeared on my desk – flawless and ready to file - after a night with these paralegals. I bragged about our after hours staff to my friends at other firms, who had nothing similar. If you ever read "The Tailor of Gloucester" as a child – a story where little mice come in the night and magically finish sewing a new coat for the mayor because the tailor is sick - that is how I felt about the after hours staff. If you were on trial, they would take care of overnight exhibits and proofread trial motions. If you were compiling an appellate brief with edits from nine different people, they would make sure it was flawless. Not only that, but after working with these paralegals on more than one all-nighter, I never once heard them complain or lose patience.

Who Do You Talk To?

When my secretary told me the news, I could not process the information. I was busy catching up from my absence. There were calls to make and questions from partners that needed answers. But when I was home later that evening, talking to my spouse, it hit me that I was incredibly sad for these six people - suddenly unemployed in a tough economy after all those years with the firm. I was upset by how it had been handled. I decided that I would call my practice group leader the next day to find out more information.

Although the head of our office staff handled the firings, I don’t know him at all. I do know my practice group leader, and I assumed she was part of the decision-making process. Though I am normally nervous about meeting with our practice group leader, it did not occur to me to be nervous about this because I wanted to talk to someone.

All the Single Ladies: A Chance to Share Your Experiences and Get Published by the ABA!

The ABA Commission on Women in the Profession is developing a new book entitled, "The Road to Independence: A Woman's Guide to Forming Her Own Law Firm." This volume will be a collection of letters (maximum 4 pages double-spaced) focusing on the experiences, challenges, and opportunities of women-owned law firms.  The Commission is seeking women who have formed their own firms -- whether as a solo, with other women, or with men; it is not necessary that the women currently be owners of their firms.  The book's audience is primarily women who are thinking about starting their own law firms as well as those who already have taken that step.

If you are interested in offering your insight into these important issues -- or know someone else who has started her own firm -- please send name/contact
information to Barbara Leff, Commission on Women Communications and Publications Manager, at leffb@staff.abanet.org.  Invitation letters will start to be sent in early April.  For more information about the book and the procedures for submitting letters, please visit http://www.abanet.org/women/independence.html.

My First Year . . . as an Associate at a Small Law Firm

This is the second post in a new series called "My First Year..." In this series, which  appears the first week of each month, we feature interviews of women as they begin putting their JDs to work in a variety of fields all over the country. Each interviewee  answers a standard set of questions about her first year. We hope this project will give law students and new attorneys a realistic picture about what life is like during the junior years of a legal career. 

Today we bring you the interview of a first year associate at a five-attorney law firm specializing in pharmaceutical litigation in the Los Angeles area:

How did you decide to pursue this position--was this something you envisioned yourself doing when you applied to law school, or was this something you learned about in school or during your summer?

After graduating from college, I took a job at a large legal defense firm as a Project Assistant, a position best described as a poorly paid, untrained paralegal. I spent my weekdays in an interior office updating databases and . . . yeah, just updating databases. While the work was mundane, I did become friends with three younger, but very unhappy, attorneys. All three have since left. Two went to smaller firms, and one went back to school to get his PhD. However, I also became friends with many other attorneys who were very happy and continue to thrive at the firm.

After several months of racking my brain for an escape route, my next step was, you guessed it, a Masters in Architecture program at Georgia Tech. Why wouldn’t a political science graduate with little to no experience in architecture, mathematics, or engineering decide to get a Masters in Architecture? I think maybe I had just read The Fountainhead and was inspired. I’m not even a Libertarian. I didn’t last a semester. Not one to learn lessons, I took another job as a legal assistant, but this time it was at a smaller firm. I immediately felt much more “at home” at the smaller firm. The environment felt more relaxed, there were not required classes, meetings, forms, hours, etc. I just felt more freedom to do my work and not worry with other unimportant things. After working at the smaller firm for a while, I decided to try law school, and it stuck. Going into 1L on campus interviews, I knew that I preferred the atmosphere of smaller firms - Of course the decision is also easier when, like me, you’re not in the top 10%. I ended up at a five-attorney plaintiffs’ firm my 1L year and haven’t looked back. I split 2L year between a small plaintiffs’ firm in Birmingham, Alabama and a medium-sized plaintiffs’ firm in Los Angeles (a comparison worthy of its own blog entry).

A small firm is by no means an oasis, free from the stresses of the larger firm. Since there’s oftentimes not as much of an infrastructure of support staff, sometimes attorneys, especially younger ones, have to pick up the slack. This can mean more phone calls, more filing, more letter writing, less organization, etc. You just have to figure out what fits for you. While I don’t have to bill or attend as many meetings and workshops, I am making much less money than my big firm counterparts, I don’t have my own secretary, and I don’t get engraved iPods.

Describe a typical day on the job...

Announcing the National Law Review Writing Contest

The National Law Review (NLR) is accepting submissions for the NLR 2010 Law Student Writing Competition. This competition offers law students the opportunity to submit articles for publication consideration on the NLR Web site.

Winning articles will initially be published online in April, May, and June 2010. In each of these months, the top two articles chosen will be featured in the NLR
monthly magazine prominently displayed on the NLR home page. Up to 25 runner-up articles will also be posted in the NLR searchable database each of these months.  Winning articles will be published alongside those written by respected attorneys from AMLAW 200 firms and other prominent firms and will remain in the NLR online database for up to two years, easily accessed by potential employers.

For complete rules and deadlines, please contact bmcdermand@NatLawReview.com. 

Ms. JD Weekly Roundup: Week Ending March 5, 2010

March is Women's History Month. How Are You Celebrating the 30th Anniversary?

Congratulations to Lynn Malerba, the New Chief of the Mohegan Tribe of Indians, and the First Woman to be Elected to the Post in over 300 Years!

DuPont, Prudential, Microsoft and Others Pledge $30 Million to Minority and Women-Owned Firms

Judge Tacha: Making Herstory

AmLaw Diversity Scorecard 2010: One Step Back & Additional Analysis

Pat Gillette of Orrick, Opt-In, and Avenues to Advancement on Why BigLaw Retention Policies are like Drowning on the Titanic

Avenues to Advancement Co-Chair Simone Colgan Dunlap Reflects on her BigLaw firm's Support for Ms. JD

Mommy Law: Watch Those Corners!

“I arrived exactly on time and went inside.  Within minutes, a nanny came running in as another nanny went running out.  It was probably time for a shift change.  I entered the house and headed to the music room.  Three of the daughters came bounding in to show me their guinea pig, and I could hear the youngest daughter singing upstairs.  Since the parents didn't come to greet me, I knew they were still at work.  I began the piano lessons as usual.”

This was my life before law school.  I ran a piano studio.  I taught oodles of lessons each week, mostly from my home studio.  Occasionally I also played "ambassador of music" and travelled to my students’ homes to teach on their pianos.  In the process I came into contact with dozens of different families.  I watched, listened, and learned as they struggled with the same issues of balancing that I struggle with today.

With four girls, two ambitious parents, and guinea pigs, the family I just described was one of the busiest.  Some weeks when I arrived for our regular appointment the family wouldn't even be there.  Usually this meant that they had made other plans and forgotten to tell me.  This family was happy.  The children were well taken care of.  Both parents had ambitious careers.  In order for all of these things to happen, they were comfortable cutting corners on some of the details of home life.  And sometimes things fell through the cracks.

Leadership, Power, and Politics: How Can You Obtain the Power to Shape Action in Your Organization?

Law firms, governmental agencies, law schools, corporations, not-for-profit agencies, industry groups, and small businesses are organizations. Organizations are systems of government; they are “intrinsically political,” says Gareth Morgan in his classic book, Images of Organization. What does this mean for you?

You Don't Always Get What You Want

As an older student, people always ask me:  "Why did you decide to go to law school?" I explain how my skills and abilities match those required by lawyers; and the profession will allow me to help others and make a difference.  That response is not untrue; just incomplete. 

I started law school to regain my confidence in my own merit as an individual.

Contrary to lip service, society does not value homemakers’ contributions. We admire money and tangible accomplishments.  After leaving a successful career for the opportunity to live abroad, I focused my energy on kids, husband, and home.  Ten years later, I craved acknowledgment for my abilities, and law school satisfied that need.

Recovering my self-respect proved more problematic. Never have I worked so hard to be rejected and unsuccessful.  This painful ‘reality check’ will further my personal growth, but will my diminished confidence impair my success as a lawyer? 

Ms. JD Perks: Free Subscription to The Legal Balance!

The Legal Balance is an online community and monthly newsletter dedicated to easing the juggle for female attorneys. Most of the tips and services are focused in the Chicago area, home to founder Erica Zolokar. But there's something in there for everyone and for a limited time Ms. JD's readers get a free one-year membership in The Legal Balance's online community! Just email Erica at erica@thelegalbalance.com to sign up!