Welcome to my third blog post! Now that we know each other a little better, I’d like to address what I think is the elephant in the room:
Why do we need a Ms. JD, anyway?
There aren’t any Mr. JD organizations (that I know of, anyway). In the twenty-first century, should an organization supporting women law students and lawyers even be necessary? Aren’t we more evolved, more mindful, and smarter about gender equity than past generations?
The answer to both questions is, as yet, yes. Yes, organizations like Ms. JD and other feminist advocacy groups are still necessary. While advances in gender parity have occurred over the last few decades, toxic masculinity still survives, and in the current socio-political environment, thrives, at least in some environments. And yet, yes, we are, as a species, more evolved and educated about gender equity than past generations. But gender bias, misogyny, and sexism still lurk in the educational and professional environment—especially in many male dominated fields.
Statistics on Women in the Legal Field
When I started practicing law a few decades ago, only about 35-40% of American law firm associates were women. Back then, even law practice itself was “a man’s world”. It wasn't until 2016 that law schools in America could boast an equal number of women and men students. And it wasn’t until last year that women law firm associates in the US outnumbered men.
Of course, these numbers are all good news for today’s women law students and lawyers, even though men still outnumber women in certain employment categories, including judicial appointments and senior law partners.
Notwithstanding major inroads made by women over the last four decades, many female lawyers still work in male-dominated fields. My own experience is a good example; as a deputy general counsel for a large homebuilding company, I am working primarily with men on a daily basis. Just two years ago, The National Center for Construction Education and Research found that only a little over ten percent (10%) of employees in the U.S. construction industry were women, and this included engineering, legal, insurance, and administrative work.
Working as a lawyer in the construction industry means many of my clients are male, but it also means many of the attorneys I’m negotiating with are male, as well. I’m happy to report that most of the men I work with on both the client side and the opposing side are respectful and professional. However, this is not to say that I haven’t experienced hostility, condescension, and downright contempt in my experience over the years. Perhaps the worst thing I’ve experienced from men in the workplace is disregard, my opinion discounted and ultimately, ignored.
Tools to Handle Toxic Masculinity in the Workplace
Notwithstanding any negative prior experience, I decided this blog post should not be a complaint about the bad behavior of men in the workplace. Instead, I wanted to gather real world tools and techniques to help women to diffuse, disrupt, and ultimately, render powerless toxic masculinity, even when it is indicative of a larger institutional issue. The following ideas come from my own work colleagues, past and present, and a survey of recent articles on the subject.
1. Don’t automatically assume the men in your professional life are chauvinistic or worse.
I have been blessed with some wonderful male friends and colleagues over the years, many of whom are real allies to women. The biggest mistake I think we can make professionally is to assume someone in the same trenches with us is an enemy. Consider that women who are the recipients of ambiguous hostile behavior are more likely to interpret it as sexist. Granted, that is at least partly because most women have been victims of sexism at some time in their career. But before jumping to a conclusion about a male in the workplace or academic environment who seems ill-tempered or criticizes your work, consider the circumstances and whether the behavior would be considered hostile or sexist if manifested by a woman. We all have bad days where internal or external pressures may boil over into our communication with colleagues and even friends; additionally, many neurodivergent individuals can struggle with spoken communication, which can lead to misunderstandings and even hurt feelings. Of course, repeated hostility or blatant and consistent sexist behavior requires affirmative steps such as reporting the behavior in accordance with university or company policies. The point here is not to rush to judgment based on just one or two minor incidents.
2. Use Humor.
My very good friend and colleague uses humor to disable sexist behavior in the workplace. Knowing her as I do, I’d like to clarify that she’s not talking about acting goofy or dancing a chicken-dance. When she says humor she means knife-sharp, witty, subversive humor that puts sexists in their place without them even realizing it. I’ve seen her use this tactic to overcome mansplaining, condescension, exclusionary behavior, and other gender microaggressions in both professional and personal situations. Recent studies have validated that subversive humor allows feminists to challenge the status quo in a manner that both attracts attention and is more acceptable than other tools. In other words, humor can make you part of the boys club while simultaneously reminding the “boys” that their sexist behavior isn’t acceptable. If you’re already funny, use that skill to battle back sexist behavior. I’m not saying everyone can do it, but with practice and timing we all can develop a few tried and true zingers that can quickly shift the direction of an interaction from masculine hostility to a conversation of equals.
3. Gray Rocking.
In case you haven’t heard, this is a recent term to describe a tactic to turn away bad behavior of many types, including sexism in the workplace. Gray rocking “basically means disengaging from emotionally toxic interactions,” says Dr. Brianne Markley. Participating passively and with minimal responses in a conversation, limiting eye contact, and staying calm and cool when the toxic individual is ratcheting up for a fight are all possible methods of gray rocking. The goal is to deprive the aggressor of the emotional reaction they seek, so that eventually they lose interest and move on. A cautionary note: Markley notes that gray rocking can take a mental toll after a while. “After all, just because you don’t offer an emotional rise while gray rocking doesn’t mean that you aren’t feeling one,” she says. So you’ll definitely want other tools within reach if the behavior continues or worsens. A colleague of mine uses it most effectively when confronted unexpectedly by toxic masculinity. It enables her to stay calm and focused on her work while discouraging ongoing engagement with her male aggressor.
4. Find a Sponsor.
A sponsor is not the same thing as a mentor. Mentors guide and advise; a sponsor advocates for you, and possibly for all women in your workplace. Finding a sponsor typically requires demonstrating your capabilities and potential to senior leaders who are willing to invest in your career, help you get the promotion you are seeking, and speak on your behalf in management committees and in the C-Suite. Sponsorship is especially important for women, minorities, and other marginalized groups to advance their careers, especially in male-dominated workplaces. Sponsors can help steer you around sexists in your organization and find alternative paths to success. To find a sponsor, look for ways to relate to a potential sponsor in your company or firm who is more senior and has followed the career path to which you aspire. Is there anyone high up in the organization that graduated from the same college, is from the same hometown or shares similar hobbies? If not, look for leadership development programs at your company and do your best to enroll in them. These programs will put you front and center in front of a variety of potential sponsors. It’s important to note that your sponsor doesn’t necessarily have to be a fellow employee. Many women find sponsors through organizations like Ms. JD or other professional organizations such as the Association of Corporate Counsel, Women in Construction (for the construction industry), local bar associations and section activities, and even law firm sponsored conferences and MCLE events. These sponsors can advise you of opportunities in other organizations, provide letters of recommendation, and contact friends within organizations for whom you’d like to work.
5. The Graceful Shutdown.
Jennifer Gray, a licensed professional counselor, suggests women “master the art of the ‘graceful shutdown.’” These are actions and statements that, aptly placed, can literally shut down a male (or really, any) coworker or manager in the workplace who is trying to intimidate, interrupt, or talk over you.
As a good example, one of my superiors in the workplace has a habit of invading women’s personal space. Gray calls this “manspreading”, and she has some advice for dealing with such behavior. “Combat manspreaders by taking up space….Stand with your hands on your hips, use the armrests on your chair, stretch your legs out in front of you… Just. Spread. Out.”
Jennifer Dziura, columnist and founder of the GetBullish.com website, provides some pithy (and funny!) suggestions for verbally shutting down sexist comments and attitudes in your professional life. These including directly calling out the sexism on the spot; pretending you don’t get what the sexist is saying and asking them to explain it; greeting the comments with silence and a cool stare; and blaming the comment on generational differences (“Oh, I guess things were different way back when you were in school! Thankfully women outnumber men in law schools now!”)
Conclusion
The tools and suggestions in this post are certainly not the only ways to combat sexist behavior in the workplace; each of us has the ability to formulate our own strategies to recognize and disarm sexism and toxic masculinity. At the end of the day one of the most important things we can do is educate. Many men don’t even realize their own sexist tendencies. Calling out such behavior or speech when it occurs, supporting other women in their battles, and encouraging universities and workplaces to adopt policies that discourage sexism may eventually eradicate gender-based discrimination altogether. Until then, don your feminist armor, and good luck!
As a veteran of thirty years of legal practice, Melanie Houk welcomes the opportunity to look back on a career nearer to completion than commencement. A graduate of Loyola Law School, Melanie initially took a nontraditional direction, leaving a first-year position at Whitman Breed Abbott & Morgan to take a job as a consultant. Eventually returning to private practice, Melanie spent nearly a decade developing further public law expertise with redevelopment agencies and municipalities before gravitating to an in-house position at Lennar Corporation, where a markedly convoluted path led her to a promotion to Deputy General Counsel, a position she has held for close to fifteen years.
