Last week, I was meeting with a student to talk about her internship applications. She was worried she wouldn’t be accepted anywhere, and she equated that possibility with failure. I told her, almost offhandedly: “I’ve applied for so many things in life and haven’t been accepted. Actually, I’ve probably failed more times than I can count.” She looked at me incredulously: “Professor Holman… you’ve failed before?”

I was taken aback. Of course I had. Yet, in a culture where success is often packaged neatly and shared selectively, failure becomes invisible. We see people in positions of accomplishment and assume their path was smooth. Perhaps they were more prepared, more capable, or more deserving. In trying to put our best foot forward, we may unintentionally create the impression that success comes easily, which can discourage others, especially young women, from even trying. This conversation reminded me how crucial it is to talk openly about failure as a foundational part of growth.

Why Failure Matters

Failure teaches resilience, resourcefulness, and perspective in ways smooth success cannot. Every setback provides much-needed feedback that can shape our future choices. Early in my career, I applied for a number of grants, fellowships, and positions I didn’t receive. At the time, each rejection felt like a door closing, with no other doors in sight.

I remember my first year of law school especially vividly. In a rush to decide what area of law I most wanted to practice in my future career, I applied only to criminal law–related summer positions. I spent hours carefully prepping materials to send to probably 50 or 60 opportunities. With all of my applications completed, I sent them out. And waited…and waited…and waited. I quite literally did not hear back from a single one.

Those next few weeks, I was so down on myself, questioning whether law school was even the right place for me. After a long and, frankly emotional, meeting with my career counselor, she suggested I pivot: instead of focusing narrowly on criminal law, I should apply to small and mid-size law firms with diverse practice areas, where I could work closely with attorneys and explore different types of law.

Following that advice, I applied to a smaller firm in Virginia, got an interview, and ultimately accepted an offer to be a summer associate. That summer, I worked on areas of law I hadn’t even known about, like labor and employment law, which I fell in love with. That failure set me on the path I am on today, working for an organization that focuses on policy and advocacy around workplace sexual harassment and discrimination. This is a path I never would have discovered if I hadn’t “failed” at my first round of summer applications. Looking back, each “no” was a formative experience, pushing me to refine my goals, improve my skills, and clarify what success truly meant for me.

This isn’t just my personal experience. In his TEDx talk “Failure Is Necessary,” Courtney Johnson emphasizes that embracing failure is essential for growth. He describes driving two hours to a skydiving site, nervous and terrified, debating with himself whether to turn back before he even got out of the car. At 10,000 feet, with the plane door open, he still considered retreating, but ultimately jumped, not because it was easy, but because confronting that fear was part of his personal growth. Johnson explains that fear of failure holds many of us back from trying the very things that could change us. His message is clear: you can only truly fail if you give up; you’re not failing when you try and then bounce back. He urges his audience to give themselves permission to fail, to try things that terrify them, and to understand that failure is not the end. As he says, “Don’t be afraid to fail. Be afraid not to try.”

When Fear Holds Us Back

As Johnson notes, one of the biggest obstacles to embracing failure is fear. For women, that fear is often compounded by socialization and structural expectations. Research consistently shows women are less likely to apply for opportunities unless they meet every single listed requirement, while men are more likely to apply when they meet only some of them. For example:

• In experimental job listings, only about 6% of qualified women applied for an expert-level role, compared with 22% of qualified men, illustrating how women hold themselves to a higher bar before applying.

• Women view similar numbers of open job positions as men but are about 20% less likely to apply. Yet, when they do, women are 16% more likely to be hired, and 18% more likely for senior roles.

• When job descriptions are clear and specific, the share of women willing to apply can rise from 42% to 62%, showing that perceived ambiguity discourages otherwise qualified candidates.

These patterns illustrate that fear of rejection and perfection expectations—not a lack of skill or ambition—influence how women engage with opportunities.

In Brave, Not Perfect, Reshma Saujani writes about how for women, fear of failure often intersects with cultural messaging about perfection. She pushes back on this messaging, reflecting on the necessity of failure in the start-up world:

“In the start-up world, you’re not taken seriously if you haven’t had at least one colossal failure. The unofficial motto in Silicon Valley is ‘Fail early and often.’ Almost no one gets it right the first, second, or even third time. Failure is baked into the innovation process; it’s how they learn what doesn’t work so they can home in on what does.”

Her message goes even further in her TED talk. Saujani explains that girls are often socialized to avoid risk and prioritize perfection, while boys are encouraged to take chances and be brave. This creates what she calls a “bravery deficit,” where women may stick to what they know they can do well, avoiding opportunities unless they feel completely prepared. As a result, fear of failure becomes self-reinforcing, discouraging women from applying for roles, taking on leadership opportunities, or experimenting in ways that could lead to growth.

Saujani’s call is clear: we need to teach young women to be comfortable with imperfection and willing to take risks, even if success is not guaranteed. Bravery, not flawlessness, is the engine of growth and innovation. For students, professionals, and aspiring leaders, embracing this mindset means understanding that “no” or “failure” is rarely the end. It is the catalyst to finding new paths that might ultimately be more aligned with your passions and strengths.

Learning from Intelligent Failure

Amy Edmondson, Professor of Leadership and Management at Harvard Business School, frames failure in a way that complements Saujani’s perspective. In her book Right Kind of Wrong: The Science of Failing Well, she distinguishes between mistakes and intelligent experiments. Mistakes are avoidable errors, while intelligent failures are the result of venturing into new territory. Mistakes should be minimized; experiments that don’t work are opportunities to learn. Importantly, Edmondson identifies three types of failure:

• Basic failures occur when we know what to do but don’t do it. These are avoidable errors that can often be prevented with clearer communication or better processes.

• Intelligent failures happen when we try new approaches under uncertainty. Some experiments will inevitably fail, but they provide critical feedback that guides better decision-making next time.

• Complex failures arise in situations where systems or problems are inherently unpredictable; these require reflection, collaboration, and adaptation to navigate.

The key, Edmondson emphasizes, is knowing when to prevent failure and when to embrace experimentation. My 1L summer experience is a perfect example: my initial applications were a “failure,” but they became a learning opportunity, prompting me to pivot in a way that shaped my career trajectory. Sharing my personal stories with students has become a core part of my mentorship. I want them to see that failure is a natural part of the process. By reframing failure as feedback, we empower students to take risks and build resilience along the way.

The Broader Lessons of Failure

I want to be clear that failure is rarely isolated. It intersects with privilege, access, and systemic barriers. Women and students from under-resourced backgrounds may face amplified stakes, where a “failed” application carries additional weight, financially, socially, or emotionally. Recognizing these inequities is critical to helping students navigate the professional world without internalizing unnecessary shame.

Research increasingly shows that how organizations and communities respond to failure matters just as much as the failure itself. When workplaces and educational environments treat mistakes as punishable offenses, individuals are more likely to hide setbacks, retreat from risk, and avoid experimentation altogether. By contrast, settings that encourage reflection on mistakes instead of punishment foster psychological safety, a condition in which people feel comfortable taking interpersonal risks. In fact, Google’s Project Aristotle examined data from 180 teams totaling 37,000 employees, and identified psychological safety as the key factor distinguishing the most successful teams from others. Teams that feel safe to fail aren’t just less afraid, they are better at creating innovative solutions to complex problems.

Practical Takeaways for Students and Professionals

1. Reframe Rejection as Feedback: Every “no” carries insight, so analyze what can be learned, not what is lost.

2. Take Calculated Risks: Don’t wait until you meet every requirement. Apply. Try. Experiment.

3. Share Your Story: Talking about setbacks normalizes failure for others and builds a culture of resilience.

4. Embrace Iteration: Personal and professional growth is iterative; failure is a signal to adjust, not an endpoint.

5. Support Others: Encourage students and colleagues to take chances, emphasizing learning over perfection.

Closing Thoughts

To my students and to anyone hesitating on the edge of a new opportunity: don’t let fear of failure close doors for you. Failure is not the opposite of success, it is a step toward it. It teaches, strengthens, and sometimes redirects us to a path more aligned with our goals than the one we originally imagined. Failure is most certainly an option. And often, it’s the option that leads to the most meaningful success.

Shea Holman Killian is an Assistant Professor of Legal Studies at George Mason University, where she teaches various law and government courses and guides students through the Jurisprudence Learning Community (JPLC). She also serves as a member of the Schar School of Policy and Government’s Gender and Policy Center advisory board, contributing her expertise to advancing gender equity in policy and governance. Outside of George Mason, Shea serves as Counsel at the Purple Method, providing strategic legal guidance, overseeing policy development, and collaborating with stakeholders to create safer and more equitable workplaces.