Feeling “Some Kind of Way,” and Still Passing the Bar Exam
Sara Santoyo
July 23, 2025
The last time I sat for the California bar exam, I felt…different.
Not because I had studied smarter than ever (though I had), and not because I’d finally mastered all of the testable subjects (debatable). I felt different because, for the first time, I had something I’d never had before: effective tools to manage my emotions when things got messy.
And let me tell you, things got messy fast.
Here’s how the very first essay began on Day One of the exam:
“Paul, a citizen of Mexico, was attending college in San Diego on a student visa.”
Now, for context, this was July 2016 when anti-immigrant rhetoric was at a boiling point in America.
That one sentence instantly yanked me out of my zone. I stopped being just another bar taker in the sea of students. I was suddenly the person of color in the room. A walking stereotype in an exam where I felt like my entire future was on the line.
In a split second, my brain spiraled:
“Wait—is this a psychology experiment? Are they testing us on bias? Is this their idea of representation?”
I could feel the panic rising like a tsunami. My chest tightened. My palms got sweaty. My breath got shallow. My brain went offline with thoughts racing so fast I couldn’t hold onto a single one. Fight-or-flight had kicked in.
But then, something amazing happened. I caught myself; I stopped the mental choke.
I took a few deep breaths, and I reminded myself:
“Sara, this is not the time to analyze the bar examiners’ motives. This is the time to show them, and yourself, who you are—a person of color that can pass this test.”
That moment could’ve derailed me. But I had learned how to handle emotional overload. I knew how to pause, check in with my body, regulate my nervous system, and refocus my mind so I could get back to work.
And that is what allowed me to pass that bar exam when 60% of test takers failed, including 83% of repeaters.
Fast-forward to today where the political climate is more intense than ever and the headlines don’t let up. My students and coaching clients confess that they’re overwhelmed, anxious and “feeling some kind of way.” And honestly—same.
So for my final blog post with Ms. JD, I want to offer something we don’t talk about nearly enough in law: strategies for emotional regulation. For test day, but also for every day that asks us to lead, to care, and to keep showing up, especially when it’s really hard.
Wait, Emotions Matter?
Law school (and the legal profession itself) basically trains us to suppress any feeling that doesn’t directly contribute to us “crushing it,” because lawyers are supposed to be stoic. But the truth is that emotions drive everything that matters most in our lives.
Psychologists and neuroscientists have identified five areas where emotions show up whether we like it or not:
Health: Stress dumps cortisol into your body that messes with sleep, appetite, and energy.
Decision-Making: Like a pair of emotion lenses that we put on, our emotions shape how we view and judge situations.
Performance: Feelings fuel creativity and focus.
Memory and Learning: Regulated emotions equal better retention.
Relationships: Emotions impact how we show up with other people.
So, if you want to perform your best, you need to feel your best, or at least know what to do when you don’t.
So What Even Are Emotions?
I’ve learned that emotions are like push notifications that you can’t mute. They’re your brain’s way of saying, “Hey! Something’s up,” based on what’s happening both inside and around you.
They are:
Short-lived (thankfully)
Physical (like sweaty palms or a racing heart)
Mental (they shape our thoughts)
Cultural (yes, our family likely did teach us to “grin and bear it”)
I’ve also learned that emotions aren’t the enemy; they’re just overzealous messengers trying to help you survive law school, bar prep, and the emotional rollercoaster that is life in the law. The goal isn’t to shut them down, but to learn how to hear them out without letting them run the whole show.
Feelings Are Feedback, Not Facts
Let’s say you wake up in a bad mood. Your brain assumes something must be wrong, even if nothing actually is. Suddenly:
You judge your practice test too harshly.
You assume everyone else is more prepared.
You question your life choices.
You Google: “Can I pass the bar exam without actually having to take it?”
You waste valuable study time and feel worse than when you started.
Congrats—you’ve entered the Mood Loop where your feelings affect your thoughts, which affect your actions, which affect your results, which loop back to… more of the same feelings. Thankfully, there is a way out of the loop, and that’s where emotional regulation comes in.
RULER Framework: Emotional Survival Skills for Life
Dr. Marc Brackett (author of Permission to Feel—a must-read after your bar exam) created the RULER framework to help people effectively manage their emotions.
Now, I could write about this framework for days, but with the bar exam less than 10 days away, let’s keep it simple and actionable. Here’s the essential breakdown:
R: Recognize your emotions
U: Understand where they’re coming from. Keep asking, “Why do I feel this way?”
L: Label them accurately. (Hint: although “some kind of way” is the new way to express emotional ambiguity, it’s actually not that helpful. Granularity is the goal, and this app co-created by Dr. Brackett will help tremendously).
E: Express your emotions in healthy, constructive ways
R: Regulate them using real, proven tools
Let’s zoom in on the last step of regulation tools so that you know just how to break out of the loop.
Regulation Tools:
But First, the Basics: Body Budgeting.
Let’s start with the foundation: your body budget. Neuroscientist Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett uses this term to describe how your brain manages your physical resources like energy, hydration, sleep, and nourishment.
Think of it like your emotional checking account. Every decision, reaction, and stressor makes a withdrawal. To keep functioning at your best (especially under pressure) you’ve got to keep making regular deposits.
That means:
Sleep (real sleep, not lying in bed scrolling)
Hydration (your brain hates being thirsty)
Movement (even a brief walk, or jumping jacks [yes they’re still a thing, and yes, I did them during bar prep])
Actual food (not just caffeine and snacks)
These aren’t optional and they’re non-negotiable. I know it sounds like classic mom advice, but this is legit neuroscience (and mom’s are always right, btw).
Breathe Like You Mean It: Your Built-In Reset Button
When in doubt, breathe it out.
Intentional breathing is one of the fastest, most effective ways to regulate your nervous system. When you’re in the middle of a mental choke (like I was during the bar) your breath is your first tool for grounding.
Here’s why it works:
When you're stressed, your body kicks into fight-or-flight mode. Your breathing becomes shallow and fast because your body thinks it’s preparing for battle, not an MBE question. That kind of chest-centered breathing where your shoulders go up and down can actually make you feel more anxious.
To break the cycle, you need to breathe low and slow, from your belly, not your chest.
This kind of “diaphragmatic breathing” signals to your nervous system that you're safe. It slows your heart rate, brings oxygen to your brain, and helps you regain clarity without even needing to step away from your desk, or ugly-cry in the bathroom (though if you need to cry… hunni, that’s ok too).
The Meta-Moment Reset
Another one of the most effective regulation tools is what Dr. Brackett calls the “Meta-Moment.” This is the exact strategy I used during my bar exam mid-meltdown.
Here’s how it works:
Trigger: You read a question prompt that immediately makes you question your competence.
Feel the shift: Your body goes “AHHH!” (tight chest, clenched jaw, brain offline)
Pause: Take a few deep, grounding breaths. Name what you’re feeling (Fear? Self-doubt?)
Visualize your best self: Not the panicked one, but the calm, capable, triumphant version of you who passes the bar and never has to do another practice test again.
Choose your response: Reframe your inner dialogue from “why me?” to “try me.”
Grace is part of the process. This is a high-stakes moment, and even the most well-prepared students experience big emotions. Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett suggests that when your body starts reacting under pressure, you can try reframing those physical sensations by reminding yourself “this isn’t anxiety—t’s determination.”
Emotional Regulation Isn’t About “Feeling Less”
Here’s what emotional regulation isn’t:
Suppressing all your feelings
Pretending everything’s fine
Only feeling “positive vibes”
It’s about giving yourself permission to feel it all, and then choosing how to act on it.
Some strategies might work one day and flop the next. That’s normal. The goal isn’t perfection, it’s awareness of your emotions and the different tools to help you navigate them.
Bringing It Home
You’re in the home stretch! You’ve worked tirelessly. But no matter how many outlines you’ve memorized or how many practice tests you’ve powered through, the real key now is showing up with your whole self, even the part that’s anxious, uncertain, or “feeling some kind of way.”
Let your emotions speak. Just don’t let them take over.
You’ve got tools now. You’ve got the power to pause, reframe, breathe, and bounce back.
Yes, the bar exam is tough. And yes, the world sometimes feels so heavy. But you are tougher, and have gotten even stronger through bar prep.
And when you cross that finish line, your emotional intelligence will be as much of a win as your passing score because in this profession, your ability to stay steady in the storm will matter just as much (if not more) as your legal knowledge.
This is your training ground for becoming the kind of advocate you want to be, especially when things are really hard, high-stakes, and deeply human.
Now go hydrate, breathe, and slay. You’ve absolutely got this.
If you need a little extra support or just want to say hi, I’d love to hear from you. You can reach me through my website or connect with me on LinkedIn. Let’s stay connected; you’re not in this alone.
Sara Santoyo is on a mission to diversify the field of law, one woman of color at a time. As a first-gen attorney who passed the hardest bar exam in the nation and who overcame the barriers she faced as a WOC in law to land her dream attorney role, she developed the skills and confidence that comes from knowing that she can turn any adversity into an advantage. Sara now devotes her professional life to coaching young WOC lawyers to do the same and more.