Some of us share similar stories of – a challenging upbringing, a father, a mother, or sometimes both parents, who believe in your empowerment (as a female), personal or family sacrifices to assist in the development of your student or professional career, overcoming health scares during our professional life, transitioning to different roles in the legal ecosystem or out of the industry altogether; to name a few. These collective human stories are often overshadowed by us being arch-rivals or chronic legal competitors, sometimes to the extent that it is inhumane and unhealthy. However, I think we can all strive to represent the competing interests of clients and advance our careers, while still being humane, considerate and compassionate with our legal peers.

Build camaraderie

Whether it’s telephobia or an inability to, or lack of trust, don’t miss the opportunity to build camaraderie via phone conversations with your colleagues. While nothing beats face-to-face interaction, our work and personal schedules may not always permit this sort of interaction with our industry peers. Nevertheless, don’t discount the fact that some colleagues actually want to introduce themselves via phone and build a respectful, professional relationship with opposing counsel. But telephobia and a lack of trust could get in the way.

According to Verywell Mind, telephobia is the reluctance or fear of making or answering phone calls, which can lead to increased heart rate, nausea, shaking and trouble concentrating (source). Although it has been around for almost as long as there have been phones, studies from the United Kingdom and the United States show that millennials appear to suffer from it the most. And I think this may be one of the reasons for a rise in the reluctance to make or take calls from our colleagues.

A lack of or an inability to trust may be another hindrance to building relationships with our colleagues via phone conversations. It must be noted that not all lawyers want to have a phone conversation because they want to say one thing and do another; nor do they want to fail to commit what they said to writing. I still want to believe that the benefit of the doubt can still initially be given, and we don’t have to start from the premise of strictly emailing or writing a colleague because they cannot be trusted. However, this does not negate the fact that calls will need to be followed by an email, in many instances, in order to memorialize pertinent discussions and have a document trail for any case files that may be discussed via phone. Additionally, in some circumstances, adjustments may have to be made in your treatment with opposing counsel if you notice a divergence between what is articulated during their phone conversations and their actual actions or conduct.

See and sharpen each other

There is a powerful lesson to be learnt and applied from the friendship between Serena Williams and Maria Sharapova that was revealed at Maria’s Induction into the International Tennis Hall of Fame in 2025. The 2025 World Tennis Association (WTA) article states:

Beneath the rivalry, their stories shared strikingly similar foundations. Both were shaped by fathers who placed extraordinary belief in their daughters, by early sacrifices that defined their journeys, and by an eventual shift from competitors to peers.

In recent years, they often crossed paths not on court but at the Met Gala or fashion events, where they discovered a rapport that competition once obscured.

“If you’re an athlete, you eventually find the other athletes in the room,” Williams said. “Our guards were down. Little by little we started to see each other differently. … This person I spent years battling with across the net -- we actually like each other? And we did.”

Sharapova closed on a note of gratitude.

“Serena did more than just sharpen my game,” she said. “She helped crystallize my identity as a competitor. It’s a gift to find someone who motivates you to reach those heights.” (source).

I had my own experience of getting to know one of my teenage sports competitors when our guards were down. This happened when we were up talking, rather than sleeping, during late-night hours, when we were representing our country, Trinidad & Tobago, at a regional table tennis tournament. After that conversation, everything shifted in how I saw, treated and interacted with this athlete who I engaged in many a heated battle on the green table.

Outside of the sports arena, from this story of Serena and Maria, my takeaway for legal practice is that everyone has their unique strong suit and working genius, which they can discover, fully operate in, hone and develop. And we can do this while still sharpening each other to be better professionals and practitioners without being at each other’s necks or mowing each other down as we progress in our legal studies and careers.

Banish presumptions

Pre-conceived notions that are ill-informed and inaccurate can translate into the mistreatment, judgment or misjudgment of our peers. I have been on the receiving end of this due to my surname. In certain countries, my surname is associated with generations of lawyers and/or politicians, and in the past, persons have assumed that I have that direct familial link, which puts me in a position of privilege. What a sight to behold when I am actually asked about this, and I indicate that there is no familial connection.

When we operate from these tainted vantage points or with these skewed lenses, we can unnecessarily remain pitted against each other and not work towards uplifting each other and advancing our clients’ needs and the demands of the administration of justice. Signs of these proclivities are things we need to be vigilant to, counteract and uproot as law students and legal practitioners.

Balance our reactions and responses

There’s the anonymous quote, “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind, always.”

In legal practice, this can look like curtailing or refraining from offloading on a colleague or opposing counsel in an unhinged, situationally and/or emotionally unaware manner. Misplaced anger or frustration, aggression, microaggressions or dumping of stresses on a professional colleague don’t aid in building camaraderie; these can actually lead to fracturing or destroying trust and professional relationships.

And yes, it can’t be denied that some of our stresses, in legal practice, may not even be due to our personal lives, but moreso the mental and emotional loads of our work matters. I recall in my very early years as an associate attorney in a general-practice law firm, I was at a family law seminar, and the presenter spoke of the importance of divorce lawyers having psychologists or counsellors to unpack the mental and emotional load of their work matters. My immediate thought was that other areas of law had become so involved over the years, especially matters with longstanding clients, or with matters that extended for a lengthy period, so this may have to be a standard practice that all lawyers adopt, within the confines of their professional codes of ethics.

So, my plea is that we ask questions, get to know our colleagues not to with a view to prying, competing, monitoring or weaponizing their personal confidences. And if we’re asked questions about our wellbeing, capacity and other softer sides of practice, we should give honest answers even if we don’t delve into details. This helps us to understand each other more and be more sympathetic and empathetic to each other’s journeys, life’s vagaries and the varying case/file demands that we encounter as legal professionals.

Choose heart & humanity

More unites us than divides us, than we actually recognize or want to acknowledge. So, we really don’t have to be cut-throat competitors for our clients at the expense of engaging in healthy and wholesome professional relationships with our colleagues. We can be competitors in the legal arena, yet remain humane and compassionate towards our peers, who may even go on to become our close friends.

So, where heart and humanity are lost in law, let us reclaim, revive, and restore them; and where they are present, let us maintain them as we each continue to chart our professional paths forward and play our different roles in the legal industry. 

Bellina Barrow is the Principal Attorney/Founder of Tenoreque Legal, a virtual legal practice based in Trinidad & Tobago since 2021. A former legal tutor and a dedicated mentor, Bellina is committed to fostering and contributing to thought leadership in law, fintech, tech, digital assets and sports by deconstructing and demystifying these areas via practical and digestible storytelling and writing. Outside of her technical and academic writing, Bellina is also a co-author of the books Soul of An Athlete (2023) and Women in Law: Discovering the True Meaning of Success (2022).