The Secret to Unshakable Self-Confidence for Women of Color in Law

What makes a truly remarkable lawyer?  Think of your role model in the legal field, whether it's a trusted mentor or even a fictional icon like Elle Woods.  What's the one trait that makes them not only highly effective but also genuinely likable?  More often than not, it's their self-confidence.

For women of color (WOC) in law, self-confidence isn’t just nice to have—it’s crucial.  In a profession that’s fiercely competitive and historically underrepresented, self-confidence empowers us to push past biases, challenge assumptions, and command the respect we deserve in spaces where we might otherwise be underestimated.

It’s what builds trust with clients and colleagues, helping us shatter barriers and step into leadership roles. More than that, self-confidence shields us from the pressure to conform, allowing us to maintain a strong self-image and emotional well-being. In short, self-confidence is the foundation that enables WOC in law to push boundaries, succeed, and lead.

Bar Exam Bravado 

What has been one of the most confident moments in your legal career?  When have you felt an unshakable belief in your abilities, leading to peak performance and a deep sense of pride?

For me, one of those moments came during the bar exam.  Surrounded by thousands of anxious students, I was nervous, yes—but more than that, I was excited.  When the examiners threw unexpected curveballs (hello, never-before-tested topics!), I didn’t panic.  My inner dialogue was clear: “Bring it on... I’m ready."

The truth is, I walked into the testing center so confident that I didn’t care whether I passed the test or not by the committee’s standards.  That might sound crazy, but I had worked so hard and been so disciplined that there was no doubt in my mind—not a single doubt—that I deserved to pass the bar.  I didn’t need external validation because I was fully validated by my own efforts.  That kind of self-assurance, ironically, was what allowed me to get into my zone and perform at my best.  And yes, I passed.  

How was I so self-assured?  Especially considering that I had failed the bar exam before?  By having intentionally built my self-confidence day in and day out for months with hundreds of hours of disciplined study.   I built it by putting in the work, logging my hours, and celebrating my wins daily. 

Confidence doesn’t happen by accident; it’s something you have to nurture.

In this blog post, I’ll show you exactly how to build and protect your self-confidence.

Don’t Believe Every Thought

Here’s the first thing you need to know: you don’t have to believe everything you think.

According to the National Science Foundation, on average we have tens of thousands of thoughts each day, most of which are automatic and negative, thanks to our brain's natural negativity bias. Unfortunately, this bias can lead to excessive caution and missed opportunities.

Our thoughts are also influenced by stereotypes imposed on us because of our ethnicity, culture, and gender, many of which are simply untrue.  For example, a common belief among WOC is that being too confident can make us seem arrogant.  Many of us were raised to be humble and modest, and the thought of being overly confident can make us uncomfortable, leading us to avoid working on increasing our self-confidence.

That’s the danger of negative thoughts—they lead to self-sabotage.  The good news is that we can take control of our thoughts once we become aware of them.  By becoming "thought catchers," we can question their validity.  Most of the time, we’ll find that they aren’t entirely true and are actually holding us back from achieving our goals.  

When we catch negative thoughts, we have the power to replace them with more constructive ones.  By shifting our mindset, we can break free from the negativity cycle.  Remember Oprah’s words: "What you focus on expands."  So, let’s focus on creating a life that reflects our highest hopes, not our deepest fears.

Don’t believe everything you think; change your thoughts instead.

Celebrate Your Wins

Next, and most importantly, don’t dismiss your wins!

Dr. Nate Zinsser, an expert in human performance psychology, describes confidence as a "psychological bank account."  Just like a financial account, your confidence balance depends on how much you deposit or withdraw.  When you focus on your wins, progress, and growth, your confidence grows.  But when you dwell on losses and mistakes, your confidence shrinks.

How often do you make deposits into your confidence account by calling out and celebrating your wins?  Do you have a healthy balance, or have you overdrafted by focusing mostly on your setbacks?

Even after passing the bar exam, I found my confidence shrinking when I started working as a new associate.  I was so focused on external validation from senior counsel that I forgot to make deposits into my own confidence bank.  I was focusing more on my gaps than my gains and I was losing myself in the process.

That’s the thing no one tells you about self-confidence—it’s fragile and needs continuous care.

The Magic of a Kudos File

Thankfully, a wise and kind legal secretary named Diane noticed my struggle.  One day, she walked into my office and placed yet another file on top of my already overwhelming stack of assignments.  I gritted my teeth, thinking, “Thank you, Lord, for more billable hours... and oh Lord, how am I supposed to take on even more billable hours?”  But Diane just smiled and said,  “No new project—this file’s different.”

Curious, I opened the file and found client news briefs I had written and emails from other attorneys praising my work.  “This is your Kudos file,” Diane said.  “Whenever you accomplish something you’re proud of, print it out and add it here.  Flip through it when you need a boost.”

Diane reminded me that the key to my confidence was always within my reach; I just needed to be intentional about accessing it.  I made the Kudos file my own, adding to it weekly.  Each time, I’d take a moment to savor the pride in my efforts and truly appreciate my growth.  This simple yet powerful tool became a lifeline, helping me track my successes and maintain my self-confidence, even during the toughest times at the firm.

The Secret to Keeping Confidence High

I learned the secret to maintaining high self-confidence: make regular deposits into your confidence bank and allow yourself to bask in the feelings of self-satisfaction.  Success on its own won’t guarantee confidence unless you take the time to metabolize its power.  Just like our bodies need nutrients for fuel, our minds and hearts need the nourishment that comes from acknowledging our accomplishments.  Use each win to power up by taking the time to take it in. 

Practical Tips to Building Confidence

• Reflect on Your Wins:  Grab a pen or your phone and list your top five career achievements.  Consider this your first set of deposits into your confidence bank—start building it right now.

• Create a Physical Kudos File:  Collect printouts, accolades, and positive feedback in a physical folder.  Aim to add something new weekly, or even daily.  Revisit it often to remind yourself of your accomplishments.

• Start a Digital Kudos File:  Keep a digital version or spreadsheet to easily track your wins.  If you need a template, feel free to reach out; I’d be happy to share mine.

• Get Creative:  In our home, my daughter and I write our wins on diamond-shaped cardstock and include an encouraging note.  We place them in a beautiful glass jar, a visual reminder of our "gems" to look back on when we need a boost.

• Turn Losses Into Lessons:  Become an alchemist with your setbacks—transform them into golden opportunities for growth.  Once you’ve learned from them, let them go instead of dwelling on them.

The bottom line: never dismiss your wins and learn to let go of your losses.  Make regular deposits into your confidence bank, and watch it grow.

Play Big 

Finally, remember this: playing small serves no one.

Right now, there are people who need your knowledge, skills, and abilities.  In today’s world, we need all hands on deck.  We owe it to ourselves—and those we can serve—to step fully into our power.

As Marianne Williamson famously wrote:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?'  Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God.  Your playing small does not serve the world.  We are all meant to shine… to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same."

Embracing this truth enables us to move beyond fear and lead the way for others.

So don’t dim your light—let it shine!  And watch as the world lights up around you.

Sara Santoyo is on a mission to diversify the field of law, one woman of color at a time. As a first-gen attorney who passed the hardest bar exam in the nation and who overcame the barriers she faced as a WOC in law to land her dream attorney role, she developed the skills and confidence that comes from knowing that she can turn any adversity into an advantage. Sara now devotes her professional life to coaching young WOC lawyers to do the same and more.